As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door.

' I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside,' I said.

Again, he shouted back.

'I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room' I replied.

A few moments later my son appeared in the living room.

'Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes.'

 -------------------------

New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashiers face as you pay: Priceless

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It has just been announced that Britain has the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in Europe....

Well, a win's a win.